Archive for addictions

29 Oct 2014
addictions • Communication • depression • emotional scars • LIfe Lessons • Love and Relationships • redirecting anger • Spiritual and Self Help

DRAGGED BACK TO THE PAST

I know others may feel by the time you get into your 50’s and 60’s anything that happened to you in your childhood should be done: you should be over it. And it certainly seems so, but I am afraid it is not that simple. We can all work on ourselves and try to change and reprogram ourselves. To understand what happened to us and make peace with it and resolve it so we can move on. But there are some things that rip into your soul so deeply, that even though you know them not to be true and that they have nothing to do with here and now, when they get triggered, the pain of those feelings can be unbearable. This happened to me today. I wrote a review for a restaurant that was not favorable. It was not abusive. It merely stated the truth as I experienced it. A waitress from the restaurant wrote me back and scolded me for writing the review. Reprimanding me, for not taking responsibility for my own dietary needs. She did not have the full story. She did not know that I do take responsibility for being vegetarian when I go into restaurants, but she still felt empowered enough to attack me for expressing my views. And that is certainly her right. Not the more “customer service” driven individual obviously, but she still had that right. So, now I am dealing with the emotional after effects. And I know enough to know, in reality, it has nothing to do with her, she is just a trigger. But the feelings of unworthiness run rampant. The desire to just go and hide in a dark place and “not be seen or heard” is overwhelming. The deepening wishes that I had not been born screams at me. How could this be so real, now after all this time and work? How can it be such an overpowering part of me that I can’t just “shake it off?” Part of me wants to let her comments go. The other part wanted to angrily attack back. But instead I decided to write to her and said first: I had a right to post a review. But also suggested to her , another way of talking to people might bring them back to the restaurant not drive them away and also let her know that she did not have all the facts of the situation. Now I sit here, actually scared to open my email in case she “comes at me again.” I can only wonder, what was done to me that I am so afraid? What happened to me growing up that undermined my right to live and express myself? I know many of these answers. But as I work through this present moment, I am still amazed at how deeply we can be scarred and how “real’ those scars can become when the right balance of circumstances present themselves. So, what am I going to do? In regards to the waitress. Whether she responds again or not. Sit with it for a couple of days until the emotions quieten. Then decide. A mantra from one of my favorite books THE POWER OR RECEIVING is RECEIVE EVERYTING; DECIDE LATER. I need to look at what is happening in my life that brought this on. My other favorite mantra is: “This is empowerment, not punishment” What I am doing that is threatening this old program? The program that tells me, “Quick, go hide, you are not safe to seen. You were not meant to be born.” Maybe this script that I am coming close to completing will change my life. I am sure there will be critics. And I ready for that? It would seem not. Maybe the fact that I have a little extra cash and am more independent is unnerving me. I know the first thing I have to do is get out of victim mode and “spiritually thank” the waitress for triggering this. I need to take a deep breathe, confirm with myself that “I am safe in this world,” and keep writing, and keep living and keep doing my “work.” Possibly go back to the restaurant and try again. Brrrrrrrrrrrrr, that’s scary, think about that later! But having shared this, I feel better. Having written it, I now can own it. I still don’t’ want to open my emails, but I will deal with that later, Right now, I am going to go out in the world and be seen and be safe and try hard to shake it off.

 

FOOTNOTE:

The waitress wrote back and apologized and we were able to find a middle ground.

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21 Apr 2013
addictions • Communication • LIfe Lessons • Love and Relationships • redirecting anger • Spiritual and Self Help • Work and Business

YOUR LIMITATIONS LOVE YOU: DO YOU LOVE THEM?

Too often people try to hide what the feel are their shortcomings or limitations.  They are viewed as weaknesses or things that put us at disadvantage but the only thing that makes them a hindrance to us is when we don’t acknowledge them and learn from them.

By acknowledging and respecting your limitations you will find that the parameters your limitations set for you will also

lead you to your gifts and opportunities.

Everyone has limitations, and you will find anyone who is successful spends as much time learning about their limitations as they do their gifts.  Sometimes more.

By acknowledging your limitations does not mean you’re being limited by them. Actually it’s the opposite, by knowing your limitations you become empowered and it helps you go in search of your true strengths rather than trying to fake you are good at something when, in reality at this point in time, it is not yours to have.

Our limitations are not going to go away just because you want them too.  The old quote “ I don’t’ know I don’t’ care, I can’t’ see it so it isn’t’ there” just does not work, at least in this instance. 

I actually prefer:  “sometimes your windshield and sometimes you’re the bug,” but what is neat about this is as humans, the times when we re the bug, if we KNOW WE ARE THE BUG we can avoid those windshields!

The more you ignore your limitations the more you become limited by them.

Whenever you take on something in life, you need to look at the situation honestly, taking in to consideration your strengths and your limitations when it comes to succeeding at the task.

Now by accepting your limitations is by no means my telling you to not do things.  What I am saying is acknowledge your limitations and do the things in such a way that you set yourself up to win not to fail.

This is shown to you all the time in people with physical challenges who are still climbing mountains, reaching success in areas that others would think they have no place even trying to succeed in.

WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH SUCH FEATS?

By accepting their limitations and making the accommodations so they work for them.

As an example, I recently counseled someone who called me for advice about an opportunity they had come across but it was on his boss’s dime and was questioning whether to keep it secretly or go tell his boss.  Others had told this person “ go in and demand that he give you at least a third of what he makes,  that’s fair, it was your lead,”  sound advice maybe if you are Rambo,  but this person wasn’t’ Rambo. 

They weren’t the courageous and aggressive type personality and his boss was.  Realistically, there was no way he would be able to stand up to his boss, who was a tough guy, and stand his ground when his boss pushed back.  It seemed fine to give him the guidance to go in demand he got a cut of the opportunity because he found it, but realistically, he did not have the personal make up to do that successfully:  that was his limitation and just by wanting it to be different was not going to make it happen.

So what was my guidance?  I told them to be honest with him as to what he felt he could successfully ask for from the boss.  The bottom line was the boss was top dog and that wasn’t’ going to change and this person was the employee so no matter how you cut it,  he wasn’t going to be able to demand anything and come away victorious.  By taking that action he could end up fired and lose the opportunity all together. Not to mention feeling beaten up and seeing themselves as a weakling when they weren’t.  They were someone who did not work with his limitations.

They were much better to go to the boss in a more submissive positioning, tell the boss about the opportunity and propose a third cut.  The chances of this kind of boss giving it to him was slim,  but by taking this approach his chances of getting something were a lot higher than what they would be if he went in and demanded that the boss give him a third and they would get to keep their job and their dignity.

Now is this fair: maybe not,  but it’s a fact,  those are the limitations of the situation and by acknowledging them and approaching accordingly,  they stand a much better chance coming away with something,  including his ego intact.

On closing note I say to you, embrace your limitations and instead of focusing on what they seemingly deny you look to where and what actions they are pushing us instead.

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22 Feb 2013
addictions • Communication • LIfe Lessons • Love and Relationships • redirecting anger • Spiritual and Self Help • Work and Business

AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE POWER OF “APPRECIATION”

The concept of expressing appreciation is not new.

But I think the power behind this concept is decidedly undervalued and misunderstood. Many people think it simply involves being grateful for things in our lives, “thanks for my food, for my friends” etc, and that most certainly is a big part of it, but the idea of “appreciation” goes way beyond saying “thanks” when things go well. Appreciation is even more powerful when we can appreciate our problems, challenges and seeming, “bad luck.”

By expressing “appreciation” for those more difficult situations, we set forth a tidal wave of energy that will bring about huge change in our lives and also the lives of those around us.

I believe it will literally change our karma or life path in the way that we experience things in our lives. The first thing to be aware of is when something “happens” to you it is your personality or ego that determines that is “bad” or “against” you. It measures the event against your past experiences and from that determines how much weight will be assigned to the incident. How angry you will be, how guilty, how punished you will feel: how effected on many levels of your life. It also determines how quickly you can move on from it and to what extent this particular incident will affect you karmic ally.

The universe is energy. Where we focus is where we send our energy. And the more we focus the more the thing we are focusing on becomes part of our karma because the more of our energy is directed to it and it will hold. The more energy, the more lessons it holds for us. And the bigger “deal” it becomes in our life.

The power of expressing “appreciation” is that when we have an obstacle or set back, instead of feeling angry or victimized and sending our energy rocketing towards that life condition, we express appreciation, our energy then is directed to feeling safe and protected. We, in that moment, make a conscious choice to align our karmic path with support and being loved instead of being punished and persecuted.

One of my favorite mantra’s I always repeat when things “go wrong” is:

This it to empower me not to punish me. (Or persecute me) Now I know what

I know what I am asking is not easy, especially in situations where the emotions are very high, but in those times, it is even more critical to enforce this redirection of energy.

Our emotions are breeding grounds for energy, both positive and negative. Emotions are gauged by our ego or personality based on past experience, so if we are not careful to be mindful of where we “send our energetic” commitments, we can unknowingly, be recreating our past and reliving it on into the future.

But, APPRECIATION derails those emotions and activates a cosmic “reset button” that takes the ego out of the driver’s seat and puts it in an observer’s seat, where it can learn and free you up to make more sound decisions, untethered by your past.

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